How does it make you feel?

Have you ever been in a shop and seen a child have a complete meltdown or look like they are doing a runner towards the door? Have you ever been to the cinema or theatre and there is a child that just can’t keep still or keep quiet? Have you ever been to the park and there is a child that just won’t go down the slide or keeps walking up it or seems too big for the toddler park? Have you ever just looked at a child and put their behaviour down to lack of discipline or just thought they look a bit strange because they are rocking or covering their ears or flapping their hands etc. Have you ever tried to talk to a child but they don’t look you in the eye? 

Micah’s disability can cause some different behaviours. Now, there are some behaviours that I would absolutely try to discourage and would also apologise for, such as if Micah was to physically harm someone or if he was destructive to something that belonged to someone else. These behaviours whether he understood what he was doing or not, these behaviours for me are wrong and I would feel I would want to apologise for them.

But. 

Many of Micah's behaviours aren't wrong. They aren't down to lack of discipline and there is no negative intention with them. They are just different - they are not what you might expect. They can seem extreme, exaggerated, loud, inappropriate and odd. They might make you feel uncomfortable but for these behaviours you won't hear me apologise.

Let me ask you a question... 

How does it make you feel when: 

Micah doesn't look at you when you talk to him?
Micah doesn't smile at you?
Micah doesn't respond to your question?
Micah doesn't acknowledge you?
Micah doesn't want to join in a game, a craft, or a song (this last one is very unlikely)?
Micah wants to take off his top even in Autumn or Winter?

How does it make you feel when:

Micah flaps his arms and stomps his feet (also known as Stimming)?
Micah eats A LOT?
Micah doesn't want to come in to your house?
Micah doesn't want to leave your house?
Micah says something inappropriate like 'butt cheeks' (I know...!)?
Micah makes a noise during a two minute silence?
Micah screams when he enters somewhere, maybe Church or a bus or the hospital?

How does it make you feel when:

We can't come to an event?
We leave early from an event?
We can't fully focus on you at an event?
An event looks different with us being there?
You ask if you can help during a Micah meltdown and I say 'no thanks'?
We are mid-conversation and I have to stop suddenly to be available to Micah?

All or some of these behaviours, they might make you feel uncomfortable, offended, embarrassed, put out, negative and judgemental but for this you wont hear me apologise.

Next time you see a behaviour and it makes you feel like this, there is an extremely strong likelihood that the parents, Matt and I in this case, have and still might feel uncomfortable too. These behaviours are very new to us, different to us and not what we would expect. Some we have the answers for and some we don't. 

So that might be how we feel. But how about the child? 

Maybe Micah feels uncomfortable to begin with and that's why he might behave in some of these ways. 

Some of these behaviours might make you feel uncomfortable but they help him cope.

Some of these behaviours might make you feel uncomfortable but they are because Micah doesn't have the understanding and or the communication to express himself.

Some of these behaviours might make you feel uncomfortable but they are because Micah lacks the confidence or the skills.

Some of these behaviours might make you feel uncomfortable but they are because Micah isn't or hasn't coped with something.

Some of these behaviours might make you feel uncomfortable but they are because Micah's brain works differently to ours.

Some of these behaviours might make you feel uncomfortable but they are what makes Micah... Micah.

So, for these behaviours that might make you feel uncomfortable, you won't hear me apologise. But what I would say is try not to be offended, try not to feel embarrassed, try not to feel put out, try not to think negatively and try not to be judgmental. Please just try and adapt. Micah tries hard to adapt, Matt and I are having to learn to adapt, his brother is learning to adapt. So please can I ask you to try and adapt as well.

I've seen this quote on social media a lot and I absolutely love it and think it's spot on:

"A child with disabilities often spends hours being taught how to interact with others. But why don't we spend time teaching those without disabilities how to interact with them."

Micah is doing his bit, We are doing our bit, can you do your bit?